Whelmed

"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?" -Chastity
"I think you can in Europe." -Bianca --10 Things I Hate About You

Ok, I'm moving to Europe! I can't seem to find a balance in my life. When I was working one job, I really was underwhelmed, with too much extra time, so I wasn't productive. Now that I'm working two jobs, I feel overwhelmed all the time! I Can't I just be whelmed!?!? I keep telling myself that it will get better, that I'll adjust, but so far it hasn't happened. I'm happy, don't get me wrong, just overwhelmed. I want to do better in my scripture study, I want to attend more ward activities, I want to do better on my school work, I want to do so many different things, all good things too, I feel torn in a million directions. I feel like I'm treading water, with my head just high enough that I can keep breathing, but feeling panicked the entire time because I can't keep going like this. I guess for now all I can do is keep trying to swim (just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming -- ok, I probably watch too many movies...) Last Sunday the Relief Society lesson was on the talk "Good, Better, Best." But is the best right now to be working rather than studying academically or spiritually. Isn't that backwards? It sure feels that way. So I'm torn, drowning, backwards, and done with my analogies.
I'm also in a social rut, and not because I'm so busy, but because I have no desire to go out. Last weekend I studied, the weekends before that I used being sick as an excuse to not do anything. My social interaction consists of work, church, and an occasional I cream with Katie Lewis. Lame. I don't really feel a desire to change it. I'd rather sit at home and read than talk to people I don't really want to talk to. Now, it isn't because I don't like these people, or that I find them annoying, I just don't want to socialize. Sometimes that is a symptom of my depression, but in this case I think it is just social apathy. I know, or rather, I think I should care that I have no social life, but I really don't mind, most of the time I don't even notice. Is that weird? Probably. Oh well. I'm supposed to be "peculiar," maybe I am in more ways than I thought.