Where's that girl?

On Saturday I helped a new family in the ward move into a house down the street. It only took a few hours, so I had time to kill- so did Skyler. He is a cute blonde 4 yr old with lots to say but not the ability to do so. He showed me the collections of pinecones and sticks that he had found while everyone else was moving boxes. Then we went and played at the park. He build a volcano out of the sand and I watched. It was great to watch him move the dirt around from pile to pile, like he didn't realize that everything around him was dirt. Eventually I had to get things done, so I took him home with his collection of sticks and pinecones that he insisted on bringing.
Sunday night my mom took some food to them and Skyler asked "Where's that girl?" For some reason that hit me. Where is that girl that played with a four year old for a couple hours on a Saturday afternoon? Where is that girl that helped her neighbors move? Where is that girl that got up at 8 am on a Saturday? Where is that girl? Sometimes I feel like I'm two different people- happy, good me, and depressed me. I hate it when I let the depression win, when I stay in bed all morning, when I avoid social outings, when I ignore my family, when I don't read my scriptures. Where is the girl that is an outgoing leader? Where is the girl who loves to help her family and friends? Where is the girl that is preparing for a mission? Where is the girl who loves to study and learn? Where is that girl? I'm not sure where she keeps going, but this time she is here to stay! I'm going to be that girl! No one, myself included, will ever have to ask where is that girl again!
Thanks Skyler.

Alissa Marie Forever to Be

So this isn't my first blog, but since all my friends and family seem to be using blogspot & I've never been much of a trend setter, why not jump on the bandwagon. I've used xanga in the past, so if you care to, or you are really bored, or you are procrastinating homework, feel free to check it out at http://www.xanga.com/alissatall.
I can pretty much guarantee that there won't be lots of great romance stories, no kids saying cute new things, no anecdotes of my grand adventures. I don't have cute kids like my cousins, I don't have boys in my life like my friends, I'm pretty much just me. Alissa Marie. I love my middle name. It is a really common middle name, but that also means it ties me to other people. I'm never been particularly fond of my last name, Short, because of all the lame jokes that follow since I'm 6 feet tall. I also know, or rather hope, that someday it will change, but I will always be Alissa Marie.
There are other names that identify me as well. To Erek, I'm Lucy- for some reason he associates me with I Love Lucy- always saying "Lucy, you've got some splanin to do" in a really bad Ricky Ricardo voice. I don't know how it started, but it stuck and I love it. To some I'm 'lis or 'lissa. Familiar, close, loving. I once was Weesa to Danny when he couldn't say my name yet. I miss those young innocent years. I've been Allison, Alicia, Alisha, and many others as my step brothers- especially Brandon- tried to learn my name. While a rose by any other name would smell just a sweet, the word rose has meaning because of its representation. I don't know if that makes sense, but what I'm trying to say is that there isn't anything in a name, except what that person makes it.
Anyways, this is the first of many freakishly long posts to come. My thoughts are often unorganized and random, but that is part of what makes me Alissa Marie.